Celebrate: How to Be Authentic | Hosea Hayword | Season 9, Ep. 364

Dr. Robin

Welcome back to Small Changes, Big Shifts, Building Rhythm and Resilience. Today I have a special edition. It’s part of my 30 years series. I’m doing a series for those of you that are not following online. I’m doing a series of 30 years, 30 days raising $30,000 for the kids. Let me explain what I mean by that.

In my professional life, I have a couple of different buckets, and sometimes they’re confusing to people. I have a bucket called Small Changes, Big Shifts, which is what the show is part of. It’s part of my teaching of how do I let people realize that there’s little tiny things you can do that will add up and make a big shift in your well being and help you live more authentically who you are.

And then I have my other bucket, which is your wellness connection, where I actually get a chance to get the privilege of guiding people on a day to day basis to help them connect to the right resources to help them live the best life they can live.

I have another bucket that’s called the Big Shifts Foundation, which has my heart and soul. It’s around helping kids five to 30 make generational change through whole-person health so that they will be able to live the life they’re designed to live and that we can make some generational changes.

So, the things we see out in the world, like hate and bullying and diabetes, heart disease, and things like that that are controllable in depression, anxiety, that we do our best we can to learn lifestyles that will help them.

So those are the different buckets in this particular bucket. Today I’m on day twelve of my series of 30.

 And by the way, thank you for your generosity. We have a goal to raise $30,000 in these 30 days, day twelve, and we’re at over about a third. We’re at $10,000 as of this morning.

So I just want to let you know, thank you for your generosity.

Once again, I promise you, we will use every single cent you give and more to help our kids in our community, around our world make good change in their life.

So today joining me on the days B, today’s lesson is around be authentic. And when I was writing notes. I started thinking about the 30 lessons about six months ago.

And one of my favorite sayings is you have to heal the heart before you ever will heal your body.

And so today I invited my friend Hosea Heywood to join me today and share part of his story. Hosea has a couple of fun facts about Hosea. He’s been married 33 years. He’s got two daughters. He’s got two grandchildren. Loves hanging out with all his family, especially his grandson. We both love Jay Alexander’s French fries and carrot cake. Only on Fridays. Well, not only on Fridays. He also likes to golf. He’s had his own business for 34 years. Computerized auto search. Hosea, thanks for letting me share your journey. And thanks for being so authentic in walking this path.

Hosea

It’s my pleasure. Thanks for asking me, having me on.

Dr. Robin

So we’ve got some people live with us right now and feel free to ask questions, by the way. And I can see the comment section and Hi, Vicki. Thanks for joining us again. Hosea, tell my listeners a little bit about your story. I gave them some of the fun facts about your family, but can you go back to a young man and what led you to Kansas City and part of your journey?

Hosea

Sure. It’d be my pleasure. Well, I was born and raised here in Kansas City, Missouri. Graduated from Southeast High School in 1981. And after that, I had spent a little time in the Navy, and that didn’t work out. So upon being discharged from the Navy, I went out to California. And that’s where my mom and my little sister and my baby brother were living and didn’t really get to spend a long time out there because during that short period of time on May of 1982, which May Mark the 40th anniversary of my mom’s death, my mom was murdered in Los Angeles, California.

And so during that time, the same night that she was murdered, my youngest sister and myself, we were taken to the Los Angeles Police Department. And we were held as suspects for the murder of my mom. We was like, what is this? And so my sister was such a young and small girl. They kept us handcuffed to a bench about 12 hours. And during that night, my sister was falling asleep. So I braced myself so she could actually sleep on me.

And then I just sort of stayed up and watched and watched what was going on. And so after the twelve hour period, we were released. And so I had to go and get my little brother. And as we were leaving, one of the caseworkers at that time told me that it was imperative that I get my youngest sister and brother out of the state of California because they will become in the water of the state.

So I’m having to put all this debt stuff aside and really look out for my sister and brother. I’m having to run to the bank. I had to make the airline get airline tickets. I had to really leave everything in the house. And I called my dad, my sister, and just relatives, my mom, sister, all them back here in Kansas City just telling them what happened, what transpired that night, how it went.

And so they immediately got us out of California and we came back to Kansas City. And then we went through the whole funeral service and burying her. But I’m going to fast forward a little bit after we got through all that. It was a very trying time.

And so I was with some friends one day that summer, like I must say, around August of 82, which was about 90 days after the death of my mom. And we were on the Landing Shopping Center. It was a mall, if they even called it mall. It was even called a mall, but it’s right there on 63rd truce.

And I was with some friends and they were stealing and I wasn’t. So, I just decided not when the police came, they ran and I didn’t. So when they finally caught up to me, they asked me who was the other guys. I didn’t tell anything. So they took me to the 63rd street police station and kept me there all day. And I was there. As it was approaching 07:00 p.m.. That evening, the guard, whoever was watching over in the holding sale said, if you’re not released by, no one comes get you out before 07:00 p.m.. Then we’re going to ship you out to, I guess Leads was a city jail at that point.

And so I finally got a hold of my grandmother. But while I was in that jail, I was just thinking about how my life had just really changed drastically and nothing was really going good. I’d gone down to Hula hands on the Plaza. They asked me did I have experience washing dishes? And I said, yeah, at home I wash dishes all the time.

At home they said, well, that’s not the experience they were talking about. They were talking about restaurant experience, dishwashing. And so let me see, that was Saturday when I was in jail. When I got out the following Wednesday, I went down to Lincoln University, which is now my alma mater. I had already submitted the application, so I was accepted some time ago when I was in high school. But while I was there, I took a placement test. I got in and so the rest is history.

 I started embarking on my four year career as a College student in Lincoln University in Jefferson City, Missouri. While I was there, my dad had given me like $25. That was the book money, spending money and bus there. And at that time it was like twelve to $13 to catch the kind of railway bus from Kansas City to Jefferson City. And so that $25 is now to about $12.

And so I arrived there on a Sunday. Everything was closed. I went to this place about a capital called Eras Pizza. I spent $4 out of the $12. So now I have $8 left.

Okay, so that Monday when the University is opening, classes started, I went to class. And then when I had a free moment, I went to the bookstore to get some books. I’m looking in there now, I got $8. And average book is about $30-$40 or some only $50 to $75. So, I didn’t have any money. And this one, some students was telling me about financial aid, Pell Grant, and all these other things and promissory notes.

So I signed a promissory note, really ignorant of the process, didn’t know anything about it, what the repercussions entail, anything that will keep me in school. So when I signed it a few months ago by the promising note was due and they called me. I went to one of my classes and the professor said he called me into the front of the room and he said, hey, Hosea, are you on the DNA list?

On DNA, I kind of figured what it meant. And it was do not admit. So I’m looking around, all the people in the class, they’re looking at me. I’m really embarrassed. I’m looking like, God, they put me out. So as I left the class, I go over to my dorm, and the dorm director says, Hosea, Campus securities over here evicting some of the students that do not have money to pay for the tuition. And your name is on the list. And she said, but if you don’t come, I’m telling you this, you don’t come over to your dorm. If you don’t come over, they can’t get in your room. And I tell them, I only have one key and you have that one key.

So I left and I went over to the student Union, and I said, I’m going to the cafeteria and give me something to eat. While I was over, I went in there and gave them my ID card. When they scanned it, mine came up red. And that means I can’t eat. So I’m sitting. I’m like me, I can’t go to class. I can’t go to my dorm, nor can I go to the cafeteria.

So I go out and I sit on the quads. I go outside the cafeteria in the student Union, I sit on the quad. And the quad is kind of like a commonplace for all the students congregate outside. It was a nice warm day. And so while I’m out there, I’m looking at these. Remember, my dad didn’t give me any money for $25.

I’m looking this in my briefcase. I had this briefcase that I purchased from a second hand store. And I pulled out these three books that he had given me. One was blue, one was red, and one was yellow. And they all were talking about negotiation, auto negotiating. So I just happened to put out the one.

And I just sort of flipped through the book and it talked about the decision-makers. So I start reading it and it’s a decision maker. So I’m thinking, who at this University has the ultimate decision making? I’m reading the book. I’m looking up because the quads at Lincoln University is Canada.

They sit right across the street from Young Hall, which is where the president’s office is. So I’m reading this book talking about the decision making. I said, The President can do this. So I run off to his office and they say, he’s busy. Can you come back? Sure. I left. I came back. He’s on the phone. Can you come back? Come back. Someone is in his office. Can you come back? So I just said, you know what? I’m is going to sit outside when he gets up, when he has time, he’s going to see me.

And so while I’m there, I’m sitting on the floor on the actual concrete floor outside his office, just waiting to see him. And so he comes out. Big old, tall guy, deep voice, who is this young man is very adamant about seeing me. And I’m going, I’m really, like, scared and intimidated. I’m going, that’s me. And so he says, come on in my office and talk to me. And I tell him my story.

He said, well, why don’t you have the money? Can you get it from your mom? I said, my mom was recently murdered. What about your dad? I said, he didn’t have any money. And I said, there’s a lot of people that are betting against me and have said that I was not going to make it, and I want to prove to myself that I can do it, and I also want to prove to them wrong.

And so he just looked at me. He just kept looking at me, and he looked at me and he said, don’t you BS me? And he didn’t say the word B s. He said, BS is often referred to. And I said, I’m not BSing you. And so he grabbed me by my hand and he took me downstairs to the business and finance office.

At that time, the vice president of business and finance was a gentleman named Addison Williams. And he said, give this young man a job finding something to do with this University. I don’t care what it is. We want to keep him in here no matter what it takes. He would be an excellent ambassador for our University. I got in.

I mean, all that stuff I signed for to make sure I had the books. I got back in the cafeteria. I was kind of like one of the kids. Initially, I was do not admit. But now there was one situation where they was like, do not touch him. He’s sectioned by the President. And so a few weeks have gone by. And it was midterm, and I’m walking down to Marlon, to King Hall, and there’s a bridge that comes over from Young Hall to the student Union.

And a lot of the dignitaries would always come over because there was a soul food restaurant in the Student Union in addition to the regular cafeteria. And so the President was with some dignitaries. They were coming across this bridge. And I heard someone say, hey, Wood, Haywood. And I turned around, and a friend around, he said, hey, man, what you do? That’s the President calling you. And so the President my turn around. He gave me two thumbs up like this. And he said, way to go, Haywood. And I said, man, the President, that’s my boy, man. He’s looking out for me. And the rest is history.

I got my College degree. I finished in four years. I have to worry about no student loans, no student debts or anything. So it was one of those cases where I really did have to really persevere the University, really saved my life. It was a very trying time for me.

Mama was murdered. And when she died, she said her last words in my arm, trying to tell me who had shot her in the head. And the brain matter that was all in her hair was running down her face and stuff. And to this day, I still have the green T shirt that I had on the night that she was murdered. And I kept it for so many years, I took it all the way to College with me. I never washed it because it had her essence in it at different times in my life. I just put it up to my face just to remind me of her and get her life essence on it. Okay. So that was a very difficult time.

And I had a sisters and brothers back here in Kansas City. Before I went to Lincoln. I made sure they were set, and I went off to College. I got me a degree. So I started my business because one of my first jobs out of College was working in Ford Motor Credit Company in the Corporation side of it. So I did that. Started a business, and I’m a fast forward. I had a family. I became a dad. All those good.

Everything was just going just like I planned. You’re talking about the modern day Ward in June Cleaver or the Brady Bunch. It was in my household, just like my wife had. She just graduated from the University of Iowa. So we both had these degrees. We’re ready to go take on the world. After I left Ford, I was at Ford for a few years. I started a business, and it just blossomed. It just really blossomed.

And so right around, I’m fast forward many years because I want to talk about this other item there. What drew me to you, Doctor Robin? People are getting a lesson. The lesson today that I have is be authentic. But you’re getting a lesson in perseverance and courage and keep on moving and just do the next right thing. When life hand you lemons. Hosea made lemonade out of it.

I want to acknowledge you for that. I know you talk about holding your mother and the words you use. You kept the green shirt because of the essence. And when you look up the word being, which is so many people in today’s times, I’m going to do what I need to do to have what I have. And then I’ll be who I want to be and what I’ve been working on. And I’m a work in progress. I want to be the person the type of person I want to be so that I’ll do what I want to do to have magic in my life.

First of all, I want to take time to acknowledge you for practicing using the word essence when it’s part of my whole thing I’ve been talking about the last twelve days, and I want to acknowledge you for the courage and not giving up and then not running away when you could have run away from that situation on 63rd.

By the way, that’s where I went to Chiropractic College right off 63rd in Maya Boulevard of Truce right there. So I know that neighborhood. All right, fast forward to 2020 for me.

Hosea

Okay. 2020. As we all know, it was a national pandemic that was the height of Covid. And things changed drastically in our personal lives, our work life, a business life, every aspect of our life was imposed or had some type of impediment.

For me, I didn’t sleep well. And for whatever reason, I don’t know if it was Covid related. And I’ve talked to you about this before. I have a blood pressure medicine called Lisinopril. I was taking it, but the doctor changed it from Lisinopril to Cozier. And one of the side effects of Cozier is insomnia. And they all say that these side effects are very rare to happen. But for me, I was feeling at small minority percentage of it, and I was affected by it. So as a result, taking Cozier and I couldn’t sleep. I start taking they gave me a medication called Addivan which is a benzodiazepine.

Well, my body rejected it, and it really did. And if I take that medicine, like right now, I could take it out on a Monday night at Arrowhead Stadium, the Chiefs playing the Raiders. I could actually take that right then and sleep through it for whatever reason. It would knock me out cold, like a comatose. It would make me feel bad. It kept me depressed. I had all this anxiety.

And while doing that, I told the doctor, I said, that medicine, it hurts the back of my head. And he said, well, just keep taking it. Your body has to get acclimated to it. And for whatever reason, my body never embraced it. And I couldn’t sleep. I became very depressed. The business started to suffer. You name so many different things that happened at that time.

And so for myself, I was really lost. And I was talking to a good friend of mine, and he said, man, you need to call. I don’t know if I’m at Liberty to say his name, but it’s a friend of mine that has worked with you before. And he said, you need to call Dr. Robin. You really need to talk to her. And I did.

And you called me, like right back when I left a message. And you called me. And I booked the crap out of you, too. I called you. I kept asking you a thousand questions, and each time you will call and you will respond, whether it be text or through email, you say, I can’t talk to you now. I’ll call you later. You call me in the evening.

And so finally, I got the courage to come over to your office, and you all were able to assess me. This is all a result of what had happened in 2020. And just going through that, it was probably one of the lowest moments of my life, because I’m always in this guy that’s used to getting things done, having control of the whole situation.

But at that particular point in my life, I didn’t have the control. I didn’t know what to do. I really was lost trying to figure things out. I still had my sanity. I still had my business acumen. But my personal life, it was really topsy Turkey, if you will. I remember the day I came to your office and we sat down.

You said, we have you regarded as high maintenance. And I thought that was the funniest thing. I laughed and I laughed, but you took excellent care of me. You placed me with all the other professionals in your office from the moment you walked through the door, Anita and all the other ones who would greet you at the door, they made me feel so wanted. So, they were there to help.

I never felt like, hey, they just here to take money. And I knew that I was going to get the help there. I said, you know what? I noticed the process. I’m not going to get it today. But I know this is the seed that will blossom. And then ensuing months and then ensuing year to come, and we stayed at it. I’d come back, you would do other assessments. You would say, take this, try this.

And working with Laura and Shermaine and the other doctors in your office, you, the counseling, the follow up. I remember there was nice. I would call you and I say, Doctor Robins, is it okay if I eat some carrot cake? What time should I stop drinking water? Is it okay to eat a sandwich from Gates? I mean, you named. I would call you and text you and bug the crap out of you, but you always would respond.

 You always take the time out, no matter what time, even in the morning, sometimes you’ll be on vacation. I call you. It’s okay if I eat an egg this morning. I mean, you name it. You were just always there. And I would call you an angel. I should tell you. I say, wow. And one day I was in your office, I broke down. I said, somebody actually cares about me.

Not just trying to take advantage of me, not just trying to build me out of money or insurance. It was just a person that really did love me and cared about my welfare and cared about me healing. And I loved it so much that I told my wife about you. And then she started coming, not for the same reason I did, but I just said, they have so many different things they can do for healing the human body and mind and soul.

 And then you would send me, like some of the. You gave me these cards, a pack of. They were like cards. And each day I would read them. It was always something inspiring and encouraging. And I forget the name, but it was in a package. And then I bought a pair of socks, and on the bottom of them, they said something like, I’m going to say, be inspired. It was a positive message on them.

So every which way you turned in that office, it was always something positive. It was never anything negative.

Dr. Robin

A couple of things. First of all, the owner of Notes to Self socks is live with us today. She’s giving me a little heart. Laura, that’s your socks. Knows to sell socks you’re talking about. And Jessica, I see you, and I love you and I appreciate you. I do want to say, because I didn’t know this. I didn’t think about this until now.

But this foundation, which is called Big Shift Foundation, used to be called Journey Into Wellness. I met you. This is the Holy Spirit. I met you because of Greg Baker. That’s right. I know his name. I met Greg because of his wife, Janet, working for Journey Into Wellness. So is that a crazy connection? We might not have a foundation without Janet, but I do want to kind of fast forward because everybody’s, what I want you to hear and thank you for giving us the opportunity to care for you.

You know, what I want people to hear is you took a medication that your genetics or your body didn’t like. It put you for a tailspin, trouble sleeping, anxiety, whatever.

Okay, tell me what you realized now that you are two years into this and you’re doing really great. Would you say safe to say you had a million dollar workout? Yes. Okay, more than that.

We did all that because today’s lesson is on be authentic. And one of my favorite lines in my own healing journey, I’m going to pull it up here is you must heal the heart to heal the body. And would you agree that you had to start to heal your heart to your body just to be serious about that and then growing strong? That’s what I want our kids to do. As we think about this foundation, how do we pour in to kids love and hope and healing so that they’ll be able to deal with?

I can’t imagine 40 years ago what you went through. So fast forward to the last I want to say probably four or five months where you’ve gotten your life back. What do you think was at the root of that?

Hosea

I always start out with the blessings from God and then to, you know, like after one day while I was in your office, I was really just talking to Sharmane about it. I hope I didn’t say anything wrong. I hope I was at liberty to say her name. And I was asking about the different foods I could eat. And I did the same thing with Laura.

And both of them said, Hosea, eat what you want to eat. Enjoy life, start enjoying life. You want to be fine. You got this. It was that point because while we were getting set up for the treatment, we would always have like a pre conversation about how you’re doing and where you’re going and that sort of thing. And both of them would always just say things like, ask me questions about what you eat last night, what did you do?

And they say, Hosea, you’re at a point now where you can just do whatever you want, whatever you want to do. And they say this whole thing is one between the ears, which means it’s where your headspace is.

And so a lot of the things that I was trying to control in terms of business, personal life, just all the things that I had been so accustomed to doing, it’s just like a computer, when you put too much in it, it overloads or anything else that you want you to consume too much, it goes crazy. And so that’s what happened when I had way too much and it took me to come over there to get the treatment and get the type of counseling and consulting that was so warranted.

That helped me realize a lot of things that helped me realize that I should just try to be Bruce Wayne and not play Batman. And so by just being Bruce Wayne and everything that I do take some of this pressure off. For me, that is what helped me, because there were times when she meant Lord would take the pulse, and they would say, oh, man, your anxiety is one time it was like. It’s like a guitar, like a string on a guitar is really tight. But afterwards, you’re doing so much better. You’re doing great. You got this. You can do this. I will get emails from them. You text all, you got this.

And so it was that type of treatment that I think propelled me to get to the space that I am now. Four to five months ago, I think that was the last time. And then just getting the positive emails from Shermaine, just following up, checking on me, all of those things are starting to happen and just saying, Hosea, you got this.

Instead of coming this amount of times a week, we want to do it once a month or once a week. And so it just gradually brought me down from it and just gave me some deep breathing exercises so I could start to sleep well, do all those kinds of things. And so I started to believe in it because it was true.

It wasn’t like there was some witch doctors or hypnotizing me or anything like that. It was because when you look at them in their eyes, they look you straight eye. And sometimes they would tear up and they would, like, get emotions. They really saw how determined I was to surmount this illness that I was experiencing. And so I thought they had the faith in me and belief that I could do it. I adopted and felt that same faith and belief that they would share with me in their conversations.

And then I had the family support, too. And so I felt like I come to the right place because I’ve been to so many doctors and doing so many things. My whole day would just be consumed with talking to many clinicians, trying to find the answer, trying to find the answer. And let me be clear.

It wasn’t a bunch of medicine. There was no medication or any of that that was prescribed from your office, from your physicians, from your clinicians. And it was from Bailey on down, everybody embraced me. And I was saying to myself, I’m going to make them proud of me because of the service that they have given me and the time that they’re putting into me.

And it was kind of like that show that was on years ago. A $6 million man. We can rebuild you. We don’t have the power to do this. I asked myself that’s what you all did, because I was coming so much coming in there, and then it just started to come down. And when I didn’t have to come so much, the treatment, I knew that I was getting better. I started sleeping really good. I think one day we were counting the days. I think I went to, like, 34/39 days without having any sleep issues, just sleeping like a baby. And so we’re seeing the process. We’re seeing it work. It really did work. And there was no, like, here, follow my hand. None of that was happening.

Dr. Robin

Well, I’m proud of you. You did the work. We’re going to have to wrap up a conversation. I want a couple of things. And Hosea, I’m going to ask you just for two quick sentences that you want to leave, remember that the whole essence of this 30 days is being and so today’s is being authentic.

And that is once again, it’s hard to be authentic when you don’t heal your heart. And I always say you got to reveal it to heal it. So I just want to recap. For those of you listening today, I want to give a shout out to our sponsors, community, America Credit Union. Thanks for being a great partner and trying to shift our community to hold personal and financial well being. And Advent Health for all the work you’re doing. And I want to recap what we’ve done. We’re on day twelve. We started out with be connected, listening to this on the podcast. And I should go back, maybe listen to some of these lessons. I had some great conversations with other people as well as I’m telling the story.

And you guys may not know this, but I tell the story of my own journey. The lesson I learn, like kind of OCD. And so be connected with the first lesson. Be intentional, be positive, be flexible, be love, be kind, be active, be hope. And Hosea, you can be hope, too. We just try to give you hope. The go giver, be an encourager and guide. And we also just want to be known as a pro, able to guide people, be thoughtful and be authentic.

And so I’m hoping that you’re enjoying this B series as much as I’m enjoying sharing it with you. It’s shifting at a cellular level. So, Hosea, as we wrap up, any final thoughts on being authentic or being that you want to share with our group? Because you’ve come through a lot.

Hosea

Yes. I just want to say the whole process. I was being myself. I was being true to my business. As I stated earlier, my business acumen never suffered. Nothing in the business really suffered. I just couldn’t do all the things that I typically do.

But just being determined, having an attitude of not quitting, being determined to get the right help, being determined to receive the help and being thankful, being considered being a blessing from God. Being thankful for placing the people in my life to help me because we all go through something and we’re going to need some kind of medical attention.

 I don’t care how rich we all have four wheels but just being determined and being myself. When I came into your office I gave you total transparency. There was no drugs and none of that stuff and so I was being myself, just being myself and being willing to get the right help and overcome it. I was true to my business. I was there every day, all day. I never relinquished my business efforts or any of those things.

So just being myself, being the Hosea that I am and not trying to be Batman. But it was a good role. Just being Bruce Wayne and I’m going to leave it at that. Just taking life easy. That’s where I am on that.

Dr. Robin

Well, to all those people that are my Bruce Wayne’s on the sidelines. Thank you so much. You’ve been listening just to small changes, big shifts, building rhythm and resilience and you have heard some great story today. I hope it inspires you to not give up. I hope it inspires you to be authentic. I hope it inspires you to get the work that we’re doing with these kids.

I wonder there’s a Hosea out there today and it’s going to make me tear up. There Hosea’s out there today who’s witnessed something very hard and can we be that bridge, that connection that helps them continue to thrive through life. Hosea, you’re an inspiration to me. I love you. I appreciate you. God bless you. And to all of you listening, thanks for sharing this journey with me.

If you’d love to donate to Big Shifts foundation, just go to bigshifts.org and there’ll be a donate button once again I promise you every single penny and then some we will use to help these kids. Blessings to all of you. I’ll chat with you tomorrow.

Hey tomorrow’s lessons on be huggable, be huggable and I’ll tell you some stories where that came about.

Hosea I love you doctor Robin, you and angel, thank you so kindly.

Dr. Robin

Thank you so much. Thanks for listening. And now it’s your turn. Turn hope into action by implementing one thing you learn from this episode. I believe if you change one thing a month for the next twelve months it will change your life forever. Be sure to subscribe so you can catch new episodes each week. Visit the website smallchangesvigshifts.com for the show notes and don’t forget to leave a rating or comment. Blessings to you.